Someone I would actually kiss
by Captainswanshipper1812
Summary: Post 3x20, but no spoilers. While Gold is off "offing" Zelena, what's going in with the Hook and Emma. Charming and Snow are still cooing over the baby. This takes place at Granny's where Hook finally confronts Emma while Henry is having cocoa with Regina and Hood at the diner. I can't promise a happy ending, so please be warned.
1. Chapter 1

I waited for her to return from the hospital. Certainly she was making sure her little brother was safe with their parents. I heard Henry's laugh mingle with Regina's. They were still making up for lost time and seeing their joy… well it hurt. I was happy for them, but as I watched Hood and Regina smile with Roland and Henry all huddled into a booth as Ruby refilled their cups of hot chocolate, one simple phrase ran through my mind.

"_Next time curse someone I'd actually kiss." _

The words still burned into my ears. As much as I dreamed of being part of this crazy family, those words effectively let me know where my place was.

I was a tool to be used when needed, but I was never to part of the family. Never in the inner circle. Always on the outside.

I shouldn't have been fooled by Emma's unorthodox upbringing. She was a royal and I would forever be a commoner to her. Of course she saved me from drowning. Just as any lord or lady would have fought to save their favorite hunting dog.

_How had I allowed myself to fall so low?_

There was a time when kings and queens quaked in fear at the mere mention of my name. Now, I was but the laughing stock of Storybrooke, Neverland, and now OZ.

As I sat there, in her darkened room, my thoughts continued on their dark course distributed only by the sound of the timing clock above the nightstand and the exclamations of joy waiving through the cracks as those below toasted the birth of a force for good and the defeat of evil.

Eventually, I heard a key being placed in the door. Useless, as I had left it unlocked, I could sense Emma's wariness as she cautiously opened the door with her foot, her gun held ready in one hand and other reached for the light.

Years at sea had conditioned me to be prepared for sudden changes in light, something I was thankful for as it allowed me to see Emma's hard look, meant to instill fear, fall into an annoyed tired look as she lowered the gun.

"Hook, what are you doing here? Your room is across the hall or did that waterlogged brain get you confused."

"My mind is quite clear, lady Emma." Her eyes shot open in surprise at my formal tone. Her defenses, which had lowered slightly, firmly in place moments later.

"Please sit." I indicted to the chair opposite me. I had placed it there with that purpose. It was close enough that we would be able to speak without trouble, but far enough away that I would not be able to touch her, regardless of how tempted I still was to do so.

She did so without protest, allowing me the time to walk through my plans before she recklessly reacted to them.

"Thank you." I began. "In all my years, I've never met anyone like you, so it seems fitting that I've never had to have a conversation like this before." My throat was suddenly dry, but I knew I couldn't reach for the flask at my side.

"I need to ask you a question." I began.

"Okay" she hesitantly prompted me to continue.

"Over a year ago, you made me an offer. Do you remember?"

"Not really." She admitted, having the grace to so remorse in her forgetfulness. God I loved that woman even as she drove me away.

"It's alright. I realize now, it was more important to me." She hung her head in shame as I continued. "You offered me a 'chance to be a part of something' to do something great for someone else. Although I may have been reluctant to take you up on this offer, once committed, I committed fully to the cause of bringing peace to the residence of this town and to keeping Henry safe."

"It was downstairs in the diner, when I was asking you for the bean. Before we went to Neverland."

"Aye, I'm glad it wasn't that forgettable for you." My words harsher that I wanted them to be, but I took a moment of silence to grab control of my emotions before I continued in a calmer tone.

"I now have come to understand that I may have misinterpreted that grand speech of yours. You see, I saw it as an offer to be part of a team and possibly even an adopted family." I search her eyes now to make sure she was understanding. She looked like she was going to interrupt, but I held up my hook in a silent petition to let me continue.

"Then in Neverland, as we searched for Henry, I was also finding myself again. The man I was before I had let revenge poison my heart. The friendship I started to build with David has been one of the first new friendships I've had in centuries. As Captain, I had underlings, not friends. Cora was an ally with non-conflicting goals, but I knew that should I cause a conflict, I would be tossed aside without a second thought.

"As we continued on our journey, finding Baelfire and later, Henry, so many of my old wounds were reopened. They had never truly healed, but under the insufferable heat of the jungle, they began finally to do so. For _you_ I laid down my revenge, which had been my only driving motivation since Milah's death, save for a brief period when I had considered putting it aside for Bae.

"You intrigued me from the moment we met and I grew to love you soon thereafter. I thought for sure I would never be capable of loving anyone again, but here I am." I opened my arms out, let out a slightly bitter laugh, then allowed them to fall again to my side.

"So this brings me to the question, I need to ask. Am I someone you would ever want to kiss again?"


	2. Chapter 2

_Am I someone you would ever want to kiss again?_

The silence dragged on. I had closed my eyes as I asked, knowing that I would not be able to keep the pleading out of them. As much as I wanted the answer to be yes, or even better, a kiss as an answer, I wanted the truth. I dropped my head to look at my hand and hook, willing them still as my nerves stood on edge. I always had been a man ruled by his emotions. At times I had seen that as a strength, but now it was a failing if it kept me blinded.

"I can't." She finally replied. Her voice breaking. "The life you offer, is one that I don't want. I can't love you back."

"I understand." I stood up to leave the room. She stood to stop me and I let her; taking in one more selfish moment from her.

"I will wish on every falling star, that you find your happiness." I couldn't help myself, as I spoke, my hand reached up to caress her cheek.

"Besides, lass" I faked lightheartedness. "A broken heart is a good thing, remember why?"

"Because it means that your heart works." She replied with a slight smile.

Turning serious again I held her head close to mine "Should you or any of your family ever need help, you can always call upon me and I will come." I sealed this promise with a kiss to her forehead, and then left the room hurriedly before I lost my resolve.

I grabbed my bag from my room along with the key to the room Granny had given me intending to drop the key off at the counter. I had no place here anymore.

"Killian…err…Captain Hook." Henry called out to me as I passed through the diner on my way out, having settled my accounts with Granny.

"Hello Henry." I greeted him with more cheer than I felt. "How does it feel being a nephew?"

"Great." He laughed. "Mom, move over so he can join us."

"Nay lad, I have to be going. Besides, I wouldn't want to intrude on your family time."

"Going where?" Inquired Regina.

"To the sea, like any other good, old sea dog would do when let go of his leash." I replied, attempting to once again keep my tone light and free of the turmoil I was feeling.

But I must have said something wrong, as Regina immediately stood up, taking me by the hook a few feet away from the others and then quite poignantly asked, "What is happening? Did something happen with my sister?"

"First of all, as far as I know, Zelena is safe in her cell. I have not seen her and all her minions have returned to be the persons they were before the transformation took a hold of them. Second, neither Gold nor Belle have anything to fear from me. I am not seeking revenge."

"Then what?"

"I've been released."

"Stop being cryptic. Released by what?"

"Not by what, by whom?" Realization came upon her as her eyes darted where Emma's room would be.

"What did she do?"

"Told me the truth."

"Foolish girl" she muttered.

"Perhaps, but I can't continue being a fool as well." I told her. "I'm a man, not a royal hunting dog to be kept in a cage for when they want some sport. Now that everyone is safe, I am not needed here."

"Where will you go? What will you do?" She asked.

"I tried going back to the pirating back in the Enchanted Forest, it didn't take. I'll have to find a new purpose, but I have some thoughts." I acknowledged, already too weighted done with my own misery to conceal anything, especially someone with the power to stop me if she perceived me as a threat.

"Like what?" She pushed back, but without her customary snark.

"I was thinking, I'd repay some old debts. Specifically, Ariel and her Prince Eric. They found each other, in spite of me, not because of me. And now that I know they are marooned on a remote island together, I was thinking that I might help them." I revealed my plan. "I've regretted my actions with Ariel for too long. And as easily as Zelena was able to use that regret to fool me into giving her to tools to curse me, I see now that I need to make amends."

"They really changed you too, didn't they?" She looked at me with eyes both amazed and understanding.

"Aye, that they did. You can't be around that much love as the Charmings without having it influence you. I see that it has done you good." I gestured over to where Robin was still sitting with Roland and Henry. He had them entranced and laughing at some story he was telling with his arms as much as his words.

"Well, we are still finding our way around each other, but it's a clear path now."

"Point for cryptic-ness." I jested. "It was good being here." I admitted as I said my last good-byes and walked out the door.


	3. Chapter 3

I couldn't help but continually check the package from Anton while Smee and the rest of my old crew prepared the most sea worthy vessel in Storybrooke for a voyage. The giant and I had bonded during the "lost year" over our mutual concern for Emma. He has continued planting his beans even when he started moonlighting in the mines seeking the magical diamonds with the dwarves.

The beans were useless in the Enchanted Forest while it was under Pan's curse, but here, they worked once more. My mate Marcus had already taken a test trip. He was able to travel there and back again. Anton was thrilled and had given me half of his first harvest. The rest of the beans would allow those who wished to travel back to the Enchanted Forest to do so at their own pace as opposed to being ripped back and forced by powers outside of their control.

All was set now. My goodbyes had been said. I have left a package for David and Snow. The enclosed letter was short, but it told them how to get a hold of me if needed. They had enough magic users around to get the magic mirrors working again. Emma had proven that on at least one occasion. Should they be in danger, I was certain that they had the means to notify me.

I consoled myself with the understanding that I wasn't leaving forever, but just for a time as I took care of unfinished business. If I kept telling myself that lie, I might one day even believe it.

"We are ready Captain." Called Smee.

I reluctantly turned towards the rusty pieces of metal this land arrogantly called a ship, determined to make this work.

"Hook! Wait!" My angel's voice reached me as my feet reached the gangplank. I halted my steps and turned to silently watch her run towards me.

"Where are you going?" She asked.

"To save a maroon prince and his love back in the Enchanted Forest." I answered straightforwardly. "What does it matter?"

"You're just going to leave?"

"My goodbyes are said. Those who need to know, are aware of how to reach me, but yes, I have no place here and I am ready to start finding my place." Proud of myself for not letting my voice or resolve break just at the sight of her, but she had been clear, she did not and could not love me.

She seemed startled at my coldness and her shocked tone when we spoke again confirmed it.

"But leaving."

"Milady," I said with a bow worthy of the queen she would someday be. "I am now as I have been for over a year, your faithful servant, but I will no longer presume to be anything else. Also, as you and yours are safe, my services are not needed here. Are they?" I couldn't help but hope with the question.

"You're right. You aren't needed here anymore." She said with as cold a tone as I had spoken to her.

I turned and boarded.

"Say the word and I'll come back." I called back to her as we set sail, the portal opening in front of us.

She watched us leave. Never taking her eyes off me and I was mesmerized as well, hoping for her to say anything. One word would have had me jumping ship, but her mouth stayed motionless.

As we entered the portal, all sight of her was lost as the whirlpool obscured my vision. All hope that remained, dashed to be washed away in the sea that swirled around me.

A/N I was going to end it on that sad note, but then I got pulled into fanvideos and the hope returned. Thank you for the inspiration :) Please post if you want me to continue. Emma was just so mean to Hook during the entire episode of 3x20, that I want Hook to stand up to Emma saying I'm not your whipping boy even if that means that I have to leave for a while.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N I adored the season finale, but this was written before it aired. I've been debating with myself if I should post it, but here it is. Again, this was not a happy story as 3x20 left me in a very serious and sad place.

Emma's POV

He's gone. Just like everyone else. They always leave. At least he had the decency to tell me good bye. Even as he sailed away, I knew that I had the power to make him stay, but I just couldn't do it. He'd be miserable in New York. What would a centuries old pirate do there in the modern, bustling metropolis of the world anyway?

I convinced myself that letting him leave was the best for everyone. I didn't allow myself one tear over it. I couldn't get rid of the heartburn. I had to get something for it. The Tums just weren't cutting it even after I finish half a bottle and was still picking chalk out of my teeth.

Henry was angry about it though. He didn't get it and when I tried talking about moving back to New York as soon as the baby was settled, he blew a gasket. He kept insisting that Storybrooke was where he belonged and that I couldn't just tear him away from Regina or his grandparents to a place they couldn't even visit without major consequences.

He also kept complaining that Hook was gone. Like Henry really needed to learn how to sail a boat and cheat at dice anyway.

When I finally put my foot down about how I was his mother and I knew best, Henry had fought back saying "Yeah, but you abandoned me once by choice. All those memories of me growing up, of you taking care of me, those where my memories of Regina not you!"

He then ran out on me and had been staying in his old room with Regina. Henry is safe there and I decided to give him some time to cool down. I thought a couple of hours would be enough, but it has been 3 days and he still hasn't talked to me. Even Regina tried to mediate, but she couldn't even pretend that having Henry move back to NYC would be a good thing. Therefore, it didn't turn out too productive.

Then one night, David called us all to the loft saying he had special news. He was still on a giddy high from defeating Zelena and getting his son back. Since he and Mary Margaret had been debating back and forth on the name, I figured this was probably what the "news" was all about. So I made sure Gold was still secure in his cell, where he had willingly stayed after admitting that he stabbed Zelena even after she was deemed powerless, and headed over to see then. Henry, Regina, Red and quite a few others were there when I arrived.

David greeted me with a comforting hug, whispering "He's still angry, but he's safe and he will forgive you."

I went to wait with Red who was one of the few people in the room who wasn't mad at me. She kept asking light-hearted questions about fashion trends in the city while just about everyone else glared at me for even thinking of taking Henry away from here. I remember well the feeling of being alone in a room full of people and although it hadn't happened in a long time or maybe because it had been so long, I was having real trouble with the emotions.

Finally a smiling Snow came into the room with the baby boy, who I had been calling "the fuzzball" for lack of a name. She greeted everyone as David drew our attention to the side of the room where it looked like he had a blackboard covered in a white cloth hanging on the wall.

"Thank you everyone for coming tonight. We certainly have a big surprise for everyone." Mary Margaret beamed. How did I end up with a mom whp loved high drama, I'll never understand. All this to tell us the fuzball's name. Sheesh.

David dramatically removed the sheet. I was stunned. It wasn't a blackboard, it was a silver trimmed magically TV screen?! There in front of us, was a waving Ariel with Eric next too her. She was keeping her hand in front of her mouth, presumably to keep from giggling.

"Hi everyone." She finally was able to say in between giggles. "You should see your faces. Oh Snow, you where right, this was fun." Her voice came out clear as a bell.

"She can see us?" Leroy asked still in disbelief.

"Two-way mirror correspondence." Regina stated. "This magic has been lost of centuries. How did you get it?"

"That would be me." Hook said appearing behind Eric. "My old king used to use these to correspond with his naval captains. Extremely useful in war, but when I turned pirate, it was the first thing I stole from him. Now, it seemed like it was good time to bring them back out."

Everyone seemed to have questions at once after that. I couldn't pick them out, but between questions asking how he found Ariel and Eric and how the mirrors worked, I picked out Henry's hurt voice asking why he left.

Henry went right up to the mirror and point-blank asked him again in a loud voice. "Why did you leave?"

Everyone grew quiet. Ariel and Eric moved to give Hook room to get a better view.

"Henry, you know I would never leave if I thought you were in any harm or danger, right?" Hook's voice was quiet as if he was trying to get a scarred puppy to come out from under the bed after a thunderstorm.

"Yeah, I thought I knew that." Henry peevishly replied.

"Well I had other people that could use my help. I wasn't needed in Storybrooke, but I could do some good back on my ship. Besides, I didn't just up and leave without giving your good old granddad a way to get a hold of me."

"Hey, I'm not that old." David piped in, while everyone else laughed.

"I haven't broken any promises, Henry" Hook continued. "I'm still 'part of the team'. I just can't be in Storybrooke right now."

"But your coming back, right?" Henry asked hopefully.

"Of course, I told you I would teach you to sail. One of these days, when your mothers say its alright, I'm going to take you out and make good on that promise, if you still want to."

"Of course I'll want to," Henry returned Hook's smile.

The view of Hook began to dim.

"Sorry, we are out of time. The mirrors can cross realms, but they can't indefinitely."

"Good bye" Waved Ariel from the side them.

Everyone else in the room waved and good-byed back before the screen flicked away.

I heard Mary Margaret telling everyone to grab a plate of food before they left as this was a surprise worth celebrating. Everyone milled around saying how wonderful it was for Ariel and Eric to have found each other and to no longer be marooned alone.

I fled the room. I want up to the loft where I had previously had my room. Everyone downstairs was happy, enjoying each others company.

I cried.


End file.
